Meet Sally

Our friends Joe and Rachel got married yesterday. I'm so happy for them! I choked back a few tears the best I could, but after a few drinks, my insecurities got the best of me. Anthony and I took a picture together where I literally looked pregnant. It was terrible! I cried so much because it was really upsetting... I need to lose weight now! It's back to the gym tomorrow (finally) and no more junk food.

As you can see, we finally got a pumpkin! We went to a local business upstate and they had 4 stray kittens. The lady actually offered we take one home, but we really can't handle another cat right now. I named this pumpkin Sally and bought a decorating kit to give it some personality. I tried carving a pumpkin for the first time last year and I really didn't like it, so from here on out, I'm keeping it simple.

I think these are all the updates I have for now, I have tons of homework to do and lots of tests coming up... Pray for me!

XOXO,

Marge

October

Blah, blah, love this month, blah, blah, blah.
I don't think we're going apple picking this year because our schedule is really packed. This weekend we have a wedding, next weekend I have my birthday celebration with Anthony's family, karaoke with the girls, and we're hosting football Sunday, then the following weekend we have my birthday getaway, and we're closing the month off with birthday celebrations with my family and my best friends... I'm a busy bee!
My mom really wanted to throw me a birthday party this year, and I know she's upset I don't want her to, but I just want her to understand that I really appreciate the thought and that it means a lot to me... The reality of it is, I just don't have enough friends. I can count on one hand how many real friends I have, and to be honest, I don't think it's worth throwing a party where only 5 of my friends are present. Sure, we can invite Anthony's friends, and they too are my friends, but it really just isn't the same.
I finally took my chemistry exam today! I can't tell you how good it feels to have it out of the way. It feels like a heavy weight has been lift off my shoulders. I think I did okay. Average, if you may. I definitely passed, but I know I got a some of the questions wrong. I didn't expect an A though, not for this class at least. I know it's very challenging for me, and to have understood chapters 11 and 12 like the back of my hand is definitely a good feeling.
I'm a little bit scared I completely abandoned my 4 other classes though... I really need to start catching up otherwise I'm screwed for the remainder of this semester.
I finally get to go back to the gym next week... This makes me so happy, considering the fact I don't fit into anything anymore! I'm done hating that about myself though... I'm actually trying this reversed psychology where I say, "Oh hey, my ass doesn't fit into these jeans? No problem, I love it actually!" I mean, I keep telling myself how much I hate my body and it just continues to get worse, so maybe this will encourage my body to go the opposite direction. Who knows, right?
Here's something I hate about tumblr. I left blogger once I realized everybody headed over there, and then I realized nobody actually writes on these blogs. All they do is post and re-post pictures of half naked girls, stupid videos, dumb quotes and sex scenes all over their pages. Nobody posts about anything truly meaningful, and their pages look completely bipolar. One second there's a picture of a couple making out, and the next, there's a picture of a starving African child. No, thank you. I like people who write. I like people who take time in expressing themselves.
This is why I chose to come back to blogger -- it's more down to earth. I tried to tumble (or whatever) the other day, and it was okay at first, then it was little fun, then it meant absolutely nothing to me... Now, over here, I enjoy writing about different things and sharing my thoughts, and I also enjoy when friends and family tell me they read my blog and that they enjoyed it. I got lots of hits last month, so I suppose I'm no longer writing for myself. There are actual readers. I just wish they'd contribute a little bit, ask questions, make this page more interactive...
That's all for today...
XOXO,
Marge

Am I really that intimidating?

I'm 5' tall and still look like I'm 12 years old. However, it seems I have scared the bejesus out of my physics professor last night. He announced to the class today that for the first time in his career, he dreamed of one of his students. I was, of course, the lucky one. He said I went up to him and told him I had a question, but that I needed to discuss it with him in private. Then as I was about to ask him this question, I just freaked out completely and ripped the flesh off of his face with my bare hands. He said that he woke up and couldn't fall back asleep for quite a while. Hilarious, if you ask me. I love my professor though, so I don't want him to have that image of me now. He even gave me a new nickname. I forget what it is, I'll update this later. I feel like we've come closer together though! I know he won't be forgetting my face anytime soon...

What else is new? It's October! It's my month! So excited for all the activities! There aren't enough exclamation marks to express my excitement, actually! After this Thursday I will be able to relax a bit... Chemistry has taken over my life and it's all I think about. I dream about it, as a matter of fact. I've been dreaming about it every day since last Thursday. Make it stop, please!

I hope your October looks promising, too.

XOXO,

Marge

I need to get my s**t together

Totally unlike me to ever cuss on my blog, but there's no simpler way to put it.
One of the blogs I enjoy reading on a regular basis is Amber's "The Daily Doty". On one of her entries, she shared her favorite quote by Walter Wellesley Smith. The quote says: "There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein." I can relate to that quote in so many different ways, but for now, I just want to open a vein and share a few things about myself that I've been bottling up inside.
I went to a high school that really tried to focus most of its curriculum around writing. I truly enjoyed it, but I remember always thinking, "when I get to college, I'm going to study either math or science." Here I am today, halfway through my engineering degree. I struggled so much, and still do. I had to take a remedial math course that wasn't worth any credits, but I have already completed all 3 levels of calculus and am now enrolled in two very advanced math courses. When I told one of my classmates this, her jaw dropped, "you had to take remedial math?!" she asked me, and I nodded; a little ashamed, but mostly proud. How many people can say they started college knowing nothing but simple algebra, and successfully climbed the academic ladder to such advanced courses? Not many people, I can tell you that.
Honestly, I feel stupid around the students in my courses. These are all bright people who knew what they were getting themselves into when they signed up for this major, I just wanted to be different. I thought it was going to be a piece of cake as long as I stayed focused. I kind of feel like Elle Woods sometimes. People have their doubts, but I'm proving them all wrong. So maybe I'm not at an ivy league school -- hell, I'm not even at a 4-year college -- but slowly I'm climbing that ladder, just like I did before. Maybe I don't get A's in every test, but I have my disadvantages.
The reality of it is, I need to stop feeling stupid around these people. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. I signed up for this. Yeah, it's hard and yeah, it's getting the best of me, but I wanted this. I was the one who got up one day and said, "hey, I think I'll go into engineering." Do I regret making this decision? Hell yeah, all the time! Should I regret this decision? Hell no. I'm halfway there, and all the tough courses are pretty much out of the way. Starting next year, I will be taking courses I want to take, my technical courses. I will be dealing with more physics, I will be dealing with sketching. I will enjoy it. I need to keep my head up, I need to dedicate every single down time I have to studying. When it's all over, I will have accomplished something no one else in my family has. I will have a college degree.
I want to make them proud. I want to make my mom proud. I want to make my grandma proud. I want to make Anthony proud. But most of all, I want to be proud of myself. I want to share this story with others. I want them to see how far I've come. I want to inspire someone.
Thanks for reading.
XOXO,
Marge

My favorite things about autumn

So, it's official, it is fall and this is by far my favorite season. Here's a list of my favorite things:

1. My birthday!

This is a picture of my birthday last year. It's not the best picture, but it was captured at midnight. My friend to the right had the staff of the bar know that it was going to be my birthday in a few hours, and this is the result! Opa!!

2. Halloween has many different categories:

2a. Pumpkin/apple picking

This is a picture from last year when we went apple and pumpkin picking with Anthony's family. We haven't scheduled a date to go back this year yet, but I hope we do that sometiem soon!

2b. Dressing up

This is an oldie but a goodie. I was 16 when this picture was taken. From left to right: my stepdad, a close family friend and her boyfriend.

2c. Scary movies

I have mentioned numerous times how much of a halloween junkie I am. I love scary movies! Not the new ones though, I love the classics. "Nightmare on Elm Street" being my favorite and Freddy Krueger my favorite fictional character.

2d. Candy!

Who doesn't love candy? Don't answer that though, because it may upset me. I know there are a few people out there who don't really enjoy candy, (I know, hard to get around that statement, right?) But I loooove my candy, especially gummy bears, Smarties and white chocolate!

3. The weather

I do hate the rain, I'm not gonna lie, but I love the cold weather! I love wearing hoodies and jackets and my Uggs. The only time I enjoy the rain are on days I get to sleep in and stay home all day.

4. Football season

I love football! I also love hockey, but I see hockey as more of a winter sport, even though it isn't. I'm so torn between being a Bears fan and a Giants fan. This is the perfect picture to represent my views on football. Also, isn't Anthony super cute?

5. Hot chocolate and cookies

I already possess a wonderful chocolate-chip cookie recipe. However, now I need a sugar cookie and butter cookie recipes! I also need to learn how to make my own hot chocolate. I usually just buy the pre-made mix, but I'd like to have a homier recipe at hand.

6. Fall television

Although school is keeping my schedule hectic, I have had some time to watch television on Wednesdays. My favorite show, "Modern Family", is back and right after is a new show "Revenge" that premiered this week. I actually really enjoyed it, so I'll probably be watching it this season. NCIS is also back, but I missed the first episode, so I'm hoping to find it online somewhere.

That's about all, what are your favorite things about your favorite season?

XOXO,

Marge

Monday night football

I had no clue what the title of this entry should be, so I named it after the first thing I heard. As you can guess, I am watching the Giants vs. Rams game tonight. My physics professor is at the game and he said that if the Giants lose, we can expect a very tough exam. So, they better win!

I had a very fun night out with the Reddit ladies. As you can see on the picture above. I made some good friends and I am hoping to hang out with them again sometime soon.

What's super, duper exciting is the fact I am going to Salem for my birthday! I am a huge Halloween junkie, and this is something I've wanted to do for a long time, so I'm super stoked. We're only going for the weekend, but that's plenty of time in my opinion.

Speaking of Halloween, I finally saw "The Exorcist" for the first time in my life yesterday evening. I was expecting a lot more, but either way, it was enough to scare me. I love the thrill!

School is hectic. As I've mentioned in the past, there aren't enough hours in the day. I am working super hard on chemistry, but still don't know what to expect. My first exam this semester was today and it was for my computer methods class. I didn't even know how to go about studying for it, but I don't think I did too bad. I have a linear algebra quiz this Wednesday, and we have a study group tomorrow, so I'm definitely going to that. That's all for tonight.

XOXO,

Marge

I just don't understand

I've been working out a lot lately, and have started eating healthier, and always try to eat breakfast, and somehow, instead of losing weight, I'm putting more on. Can someone please explain that to me? It's been 3 weeks now and I'm just bloating up and none of it makes sense.

It's really upsetting to know you're putting on weight and doing nothing to prevent it. It's even more upsetting when you're trying really hard to get back in shape and all you see are negative results.

Now, what's even worse than that is, the fact that fall is pretty much here (today's high is 56F) and I don't fit into any of my fall/winter clothes! I just want to cry!!! I have an event tonight I've been organizing for the past 2 weeks and I have nothing to wear. Literally though. This isn't all just in vain. I'm actually heading out to buy an outfit right now, 2 hours before my party. If I had any self esteem left, it's pretty much gone now.

Other updates? School still sucks the life out of me. I still love my physics professor. My house is still dirty. I did the laundry today. I've been working really hard in chemistry. Tomorrow my mom's roommate is helping me with some of it actually. What else? Anthony's off to Atlantic City tomorrow for his college buddy's bachelor party. Am I jealous? A little bit. Does he deserve some guy time away from me? Absolutely.

Anyway though, I really just want to crawl under a rock and never leave my house again. Hope your Friday's better than mine.

XOXO,

Marge