I need to get my s**t together

Totally unlike me to ever cuss on my blog, but there's no simpler way to put it.
One of the blogs I enjoy reading on a regular basis is Amber's "The Daily Doty". On one of her entries, she shared her favorite quote by Walter Wellesley Smith. The quote says: "There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein." I can relate to that quote in so many different ways, but for now, I just want to open a vein and share a few things about myself that I've been bottling up inside.
I went to a high school that really tried to focus most of its curriculum around writing. I truly enjoyed it, but I remember always thinking, "when I get to college, I'm going to study either math or science." Here I am today, halfway through my engineering degree. I struggled so much, and still do. I had to take a remedial math course that wasn't worth any credits, but I have already completed all 3 levels of calculus and am now enrolled in two very advanced math courses. When I told one of my classmates this, her jaw dropped, "you had to take remedial math?!" she asked me, and I nodded; a little ashamed, but mostly proud. How many people can say they started college knowing nothing but simple algebra, and successfully climbed the academic ladder to such advanced courses? Not many people, I can tell you that.
Honestly, I feel stupid around the students in my courses. These are all bright people who knew what they were getting themselves into when they signed up for this major, I just wanted to be different. I thought it was going to be a piece of cake as long as I stayed focused. I kind of feel like Elle Woods sometimes. People have their doubts, but I'm proving them all wrong. So maybe I'm not at an ivy league school -- hell, I'm not even at a 4-year college -- but slowly I'm climbing that ladder, just like I did before. Maybe I don't get A's in every test, but I have my disadvantages.
The reality of it is, I need to stop feeling stupid around these people. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. I signed up for this. Yeah, it's hard and yeah, it's getting the best of me, but I wanted this. I was the one who got up one day and said, "hey, I think I'll go into engineering." Do I regret making this decision? Hell yeah, all the time! Should I regret this decision? Hell no. I'm halfway there, and all the tough courses are pretty much out of the way. Starting next year, I will be taking courses I want to take, my technical courses. I will be dealing with more physics, I will be dealing with sketching. I will enjoy it. I need to keep my head up, I need to dedicate every single down time I have to studying. When it's all over, I will have accomplished something no one else in my family has. I will have a college degree.
I want to make them proud. I want to make my mom proud. I want to make my grandma proud. I want to make Anthony proud. But most of all, I want to be proud of myself. I want to share this story with others. I want them to see how far I've come. I want to inspire someone.
Thanks for reading.
XOXO,
Marge